our messy lives

I had thought of all kinds of clever titles, but I thought better. Alternately, I thought of calling this

sleeping around

or

flying without auto-pilot

but I guess  you can see how that would possibly draw the wrong kind of audience.

But of course, that’s what I have been doing. No, not drawing the wrong kind of audience (although who knows?), but sleeping around and without a clue of what I’m doing.

And most of that falls into the messiness of our lives.

I read something about the essence of a sufganiyah, or doughnut, that is popular at this time of year commemorating the oily miracle of Chanukah. So I don’t remember exactly what it was or where it was, but it was something about how you have to get messy to get something done.

No, that wasn’t it at all. It was something about the innerness and the need to get inside to get to something’s essence. I’m really not sure at all now.

But it seemed to be a great symbol at the moment.

But I realize that misplaced metaphors are truly the topic at hand.

Yes, I’m on the road again, and I’m confused.

I’m living out of my suitcases and I have to take time to remember where everything is. Is it in the pocket of my suitcase? My carry-on? Which pocket–inside or outside? In my big pocketbook or my small one?

I know I forgot my watch for sure. I also forgot my prayer book, but that’s really okay, since there are a few to spare here. I brought one pair of weekday shoes, one pair of slippers, one pair of flats for Shabbat and baby-naming, and three pairs of boots; rain, snow, and fun. I brought only 2 coats, one raincoat and one snow jacket. And a few clothes. Really, not that many. Clothes do not really make the woman, but they sure make the woman comfortable.

I’m sharing a room now with my 8 year-old grand-daughter, the big big big sister of the family. So I have to look for things in the dark when she’s already gone to sleep. I misplaced my jewelry bag. Again. And then I found it inside the outside pocket of my big pocketbook.

I brought my camera and my laptop and my phone and my wallet and I know where they are.  So really, what else do I need?

Life is not neat and does not fit easily into pockets. You can’t pretend to have everything neat and tidy because things will inevitably fall out.

The Japanese treasure wabi-sabi, as I learned over two years ago, honoring the irregular.

This all is true.

I’d still like to know where things are. Or at least, I want to know that they aren’t here, but also that I can’t know what’s not here.

And that I’m not on auto-pilot but aware of every moment.

And yes, the little little little sister is adorable.

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