what did i want to write about? oh yeah marriage

I knew that there was something I wanted to write about, so I clicked on the website and opened up a new post.  It’s comparable to how we used to take out a fresh piece of paper, fill the fountain pen, and start writing.

Except I absolutely drew a blank.

So I clicked off the site, and looked at another window I had left open from earlier today.

Oh yeah, that’s what it was, all right!

So I’m baaaack.

Here’s the subtitle:

Normally I can’t even stand to read what you have to say, but this is like 3 or 4 columns now that I actually agree with.

Complex fellow you are, Rabbi.

This is a comment to Shmuely Boteach’s article The New York Times’ Questions Monogamy. I agree with this, at least for this article. This columnist proposes (I use the word on purpose, yes) that infidelity just might save marriage, with the reasoning that both men and women naturally stray, so it’s just sensible to be open about it and accept the occasional straying. What a typical old excuse for lack of morals. And Boteach agrees.

Here’s a great excerpt:

Let’s be clear. Yes, monogamy is challenging and does not come naturally. But neither does studying for an SAT, waking up at the crack of dawn to go to a job, or even remaining hygienic, for that matter. I suppose that cave men probably did far more of what came naturally. No doubt bopping a woman over the head with a club and taking her by force came much more naturally that having to wine and dine her, slowly wooing the commitment from her. But men have thankfully become civilized. Today we expect men to try and live honorably and live by their commitments. And the first commitment a man makes in marriage is to treat his wife like she is special, loved, and the one and only. And when a husband has sex with another woman, whatever Dan Savage things, it makes her feel discarded, secondary, and useless.

One woman I spoke to expressed it best. When I asked her why she had left her husband who had cheated on her twice, though I tried and keep them together, she told me, “It changed the nature of the relationship. Before he did this I felt like I was good enough. Now I feel inadequate, and it’s now what I got married to feel.”

I have nothing else to add. It’s nice that Boteach is saying for me.


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