but I look better in it!

Last Shabbat at kiddush time, someone I was talking to noticed another woman wearing a particular skirt.  It caught her attention because she herself has that same one.  And then she said,

“But I look better in it!”

We laughed and I said, “I’m sure you’re right!” and we laughed again, a lot. That felt good.

Very good.

I was happy for her that she could recognize how right she was and that she could feel good about herself.  How rare that is for us women!

I’ve had the same experience, of seeing someone with the same clothes as me, a number of times now.  The first time was as a young woman.  I wrote about it here a while ago, already.  And that also includes the latest experience just this past May, when I still was looking at myself compared to an older woman.  I could not allow myself the satisfaction of feeling good about myself in that situation.  I just read an interesting article “This is Your Brain on Metaphors.”  This helps me understand the disgust that I felt about the comparison that we were the same.

And it happened another time, already a number of years ago, when I bought a beautiful suit, more expensive than I usually allowed myself, and I did look good in it, I knew that.  But it went away when a friend of my daughter who was no more than 15 at the time, came in wearing the same suit. I could have easily said, “I look better in it”, which I did, but the thrill of wearing such a good suit was gone.

A number of times, I have seen women wearing the same J Jill skirts and stuff, because we all like J.Jill, don’t we?  And I don’t run to get rid of my clothes.

Maybe they do, after seeing me wearing the same thing.

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