Here’s a fantastic article. And to save you time, I’ll quote the main idea:
Ah, compliments. We crave them, especially from certain people. We bridle when we don’t receive them and chafe when they are backhanded. We often have trouble accepting them graciously. Yet we remember the good ones, and the backhanded ones, for a very, very long time.
It’s just so true. Why, just the other day, someone who I hadn’t seen in a while said to me, “You put more on Facebook than anyone else I know, except my 19 year-old.”
Hmm, compliment? I didn’t think so at the time, and it’s still not feeling like one. In fact, I have been limiting my FB comments and links since then, just to…I’m not sure what or why. I figure that if I read a good article, especially supporting Israel, I want as many people as possible to read it. And I know that I have been the source of a number of videos spreading around that wouldn’t have come to the attention of my “crowd”.
Not that it matters; I really don’t need to justify myself or my behavior. It’s social networking and that’s what it’s about, right? But that’s it; it’s about acceptance and she was stating, backhanded or not, that she doesn’t understand me. Bottom line is pretty harsh.
Actually, I’ve blocked her son’s comments, mostly because I don’t think he’s thinking of his old preschool teacher when he writes them. But he friended me, and for that I am grateful. Enough. And I don’t have to see her or include her every day, so that’s okay, too.
But while it’s true that we are uneven as to how we accept compliments, faux or not, I’m not sure about this description from the article:
So why are we often deaf to the nice things said by the people who love us most?
It’s simple, really: They idealize us, according to Prudence Gourguechon, a psychiatrist who is president of the American Psychoanalytic Association. “If they are doing their jobs right, moms, friends and spouses love you unconditionally,” she says. “So there is a lot of grade inflation.”
I think that for many of us, it might be the opposite. I know that I feel if I can’t give positive criticism to those closest to me, they might not get it from anyone else. I take my ezer k’negdo job very seriously.
Ironic update: The husband of the woman who I mention above just sent me an email with the article that I had linked today on Facebook.