okay Mr. Cohen, you were right, of course

My 4th-grade teacher tried to impose a sense of dignity and purpose to us students. He insisted that we try our hardest and held us accountable for everything we did or didn’t do.

So even when I handed in a graph that was done perfectly, he only gave me a B because the paper had a mark embedded in the paper. It wasn’t 100%. So even though today we would say one should not waste the paper, he would answer, “Fine. Use it for someone else’s class who doesn’t care.”

But I’m not talking about appearances here.

I’m talking about another lesson that he gave, among many (that prove how important teachers are, in case anyone questioned that) that I remember even to this day so many many many years later.

(I can still see that brown spot in that paper in my mind’s eye.)

He would call out quite loudly when someone gave an incorrect answer or didn’t know the answer,

“IGNORANCE IS BLISS!”

I can assure you, we knew that he absolutely honored each and every one of us. So we knew that he wanted the best for us and that we were not threatened by this broad gesture.

But we also knew he was totally right.

And oh how I wish I could be ignorant of so many things today. I wish for that bliss, but it’s not my portion in this world.

So many of you might wonder why I’m not a phone or a talky kind of person. I find it so much easier to hold my peace.

So for example, when someone leans over to me on Shabbat and says in the most truly concerned way “Oh so-and-so  told my friend what another so-and-so told him what happened” and I say “Really?  I didn’t think they were talking about it to anyone yet” and she continued saying “Yeah it’s so not clear–was it one person or two or three or” and then I realized she was talking about something else entirely and she said “Why? What are you talking about?” and I said “Oh never mind”.

But by that time, it was planted in her mind that there was something else entirely going on. Even if there isn’t.

But there’s always something else going on, even if only in our minds.

And then there’s the happy news that you’re not supposed to share, but of course you’re ecstatic to know and keep to yourself.

I was also thinking of calling this Stop & Shop’s Pea in the Pod service.

Our DIL#2 is allowing us to tell people that they are expecting a baby in November, baby #1 for them. But apparently, Stop & Shop knew that already. You probably heard about how Target targeted a young lady about her pregnancy, but her father didn’t know.

Target spokeswoman Stacia Smith said the company is focused on delivering great value and relevant offers, and also respecting shoppers’ privacy and operating with integrity.

“Like many companies, we use research tools that help us understand guest shopping trends and preferences so that we can give our guests offers and promotions that are relevant to them. Guests are always welcome to opt out of our marketing programs,” Smith said in the statement.

Well, Target isn’t the only act in town. Stop & Shop sent our DIL and S a sample Pamper.

They’re racking their brains to think of what they could have bought to warrant this behavior.

A jar of baby carrots to make something last year?

Curious and very scary.

So to revisit Mr. Cohen’s lessons, then, am I saying I would rather not know things?

I’m not saying.

l’éternel étranger

I feel I must say something about Toulouse.

I don’t know what to say.

וַיִּדֹּם, אַהֲרֹן

Aharon was silent after the death of his two sons.

So what can I say?

I’m reading Herman Wouk’s book from 2000 called The Will to Live on: The Resurgence of Jewish Heritage. I have absolutely no recollection of why I found out about that book; I think the last book I read by him was Marjorie Morningstar back in high school. I’ve changed a lot since then.

So has the world.

He has a part about the end of European Jewry, with the understanding that it was shifting all to Israel.

He wrote that 12 years ago, actually referencing a book that he had planned 20 years before that.

I think that we could say we’ve reached the end of the line now. Look at this excruciatingly accurate article on CNN (of all places): Europe’s blind spot on anti-Semitism

A just-released survey in 10 European countries found that 24% of the French population holds anti-Jewish sentiment, up from 20% in 2009. In Hungary, Spain and Poland, anti-Semitic sentiment is “off the charts,” according to Abraham Foxman of the Anti-Defamation League. Surveys show that 15% of Americans hold anti-Jewish views.

Powerlessness is all about what we Jews were in Europe; court Jews at best, favors gathered here and there.

No wonder we developed such long and complicated prayers.

We could only turn to G-d. We didn’t really know if His answers were what we needed, but that’s all we could hope for.

I keep thinking about the line יְהִי חַסְדְּךָ ה’ עָלֵינוּ. כַּאֲשֶׁר יִחַלְנוּ לָךְ: in the Psukei D’zimra section of morning prayers. I think it translates as

“May your mercy be upon us, [just} like we have hoped.’

I think this gets it.

It also is (surprise!) what Pesach is about–our total dependence on G-d.

If He hadn’t taken us out our Egypt…dayenu!

Not by any means…

I saw this piece of art and I thought it was cool enough to link.

This is Ward Shelley’s representation of the Diaspora.

I would say it should be called “Where are we going?”

timing is everything!

See this deal from Jdeal to win a $100 gift card from Amazon–maybe I’ll be lucky or maybe you will!

shouldn’t we call them door-to-door salesmen?

Another guy showed up at the door a little while ago. Yesterday there were a couple of boys. They’re all so sure of themselves, that’s what’s so amazing. I’m never sure of what I’m selling.

And yes, we’re all selling our wares. Whatever job we’re in. And if we’re good, we sell dreams. Nothing is as good as we make it seem, since if it is a dream, then we’re separated from that. Grass greener, all that stuff.

Oh, what were these guys selling? Nothing I wanted.

You see, those of you of a certain age and who have not read or seen “Death of a Salesman”, there used to be people who made their small slices of fortunes by going door to door with whatever wares they had, the 50′s-60′s (apparently up to the 80′s) version of the old peddlers with their pushcarts. Wiki does its best to describe the phenomenon, if you’d like to see. It does mention that J’ Witnesses “are known for door-to-door preaching”.

They obviously haven’t been to my neighborhood.

Avon started out that way; that was based on the old Fuller Brush man.

So here’s a little bit that I just learned about something called the Green River Ordinance:

Municipal ordinances which prohibit solicitors, peddlers, and itinerant merchants from calling on private residences for the purpose of peddling or soliciting without the request or the invitation of the occupant are sometimes referred to as “Green River” ordinances (from the case of Town of Green River, Wyoming v. Fuller Brush Co., 65 F.2d 112 (10th Cir. 1933)). “Green River” ordinances entirely prohibit and declare the practice of uninvited house-to-house canvassing to be a nuisance and misdemeanor punishable by fine and imprisonment (Rhyne, The Law of Local Government Operations, pp 495-496). Such ordinances have been upheld in the past by the United States Supreme Court. These types of ordinances have been ruled unconstitutional when they prohibit religious or noncommercial door-to-door solicitation. The U.S. Supreme Court on June 17, 2002 by a vote of 8-1, invalidated a Stratton, Ohio ordinance that required canvassers to register and obtain a permit from the mayor’s office before going door-to-door promoting any cause (Watchtower Bible & Tract Society of New York, Inc. v. Village of Stratton). The Court held that the ordinance violated the First Amendment as it applied to religious proselytizing, anonymous political speech, and the distribution of handbills. See MRSC Web Page, U.S. Supreme Court Says No Permit Required to Solicit for Religious Reasons…

Even though the 1951 United States Supreme Court decision has not been expressly overruled, more recent cases suggest that a total prohibition of door-to-door solicitation would be unconstitutional and unenforceable. In Project 80′s Inc. v. City of Pocatello, 942 F.2d 635 (9th Cir. 1991), a city ordinance prohibiting door-to-door solicitation unless the homeowner places a “solicitors welcome” sign on the house was ruled an unconstitutional infringement of free commercial speech. The court concluded that the ordinance did not provide the least restrictive alternative available to accomplish the legitimate governmental interests of protecting residential privacy and preventing crime. The Federal Court decision invalidating the Cities of Pocatello and Idaho Falls’ ordinances was the second time the Court had invalidated the ordinances.

What a great country.

So even though marketeers have gotten the message for the most part, due to mass media, there are still some vestiges.

And they manage to always find my house.

Okay, I know the phrase “charity begins at home”, but I like my tzedakah on my terms. I don’t want it peddled and I don’t want it pushed.

purim torah that’s not

Purim Torah in the sense that it’s making fun of others.

But that is the point.

Exactly.

What I’m thinking came in stages. Since I don’t remember the first stage exactly, I’ll jump into what I remember. After the Megillah reading this morning, I went over to someone who was talking with someone else. I wanted to thank the person for doing a community project and check up on her, so I figured I’d wait for them to finish talking. They were talking about dieting. The woman standing and looking like she was leaving said “Don’t eat that way; you should eat this way.”

The woman I was waiting for answered, “That doesn’t work for me.”

After the other woman left, she said, “She’s full of advice for others, but not so much for herself.”

Or something like that.

That’s when I answered, “We’re always able to give advice to others, but not see things for ourselves.”

And that’s when I realized that’s what the Purim story is about.

Just think about it–everyone realizes all kinds of things about everyone else–Haman realizes that the Jews stand alone (just like Paro); Mordechai realizes that Esther has to get into the palace; Haman’s wife and family have to tell him what to do with Mordechai; all the servants and advisors realize all kinds of things about everyone else.

And so I said, “That’s what the Purim story is teaching us–to wake up to the messages all around us.”

And so it is.

I think.

And so just a bit later, when I was talking to another woman from the community, who’s a psychologist, I said the same thing over and realized how true it is everyday.

We are so blind to all the hints, the gifts, the not-so-hidden messages.

So we should start paying better attention.

Happy Purim, y’all!

Getting’ wiggy with it: Unappealing sheitels a hit. Who nu?

amazon follows up

Actually, yesterday, but I figured this is good to go for today.

Here’s another real email:). (names and email links changed, to protect my innocence)

Hello mysending,

Please to disregard that phone call you received it was not from us here at Amazon and  we are going to investigate this, we do apologize for the

inconvenience.

Here are our customer service phone numbers:

- U.S. and Canada: 1-866-216-1072

- International: 1-206-266-2992

We’re available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

You can click the “Contact Us” button on any Help page (www.amazon.com/help) and choose the “Phone” option to call us. Contacting us through the website ensures that we have your account information ready when we call you. Please visit the following link to provide the information we requested:

http://www.amazon.com/rsvp-.…

If you need help with a different issue, you can contact us via phone, chat, or e-mail by clicking the “Contact Us” button on any Help page (http://www.amazon.com/help).We’re happy to help you over the phone. Visit our Help pages (http://www.amazon.com/help), click the “Contact Us” button, enter your phone number through the Phone tab, and we’ll call you. Customers outside the United States can call 1-206-266-2992. We’re available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Thank you for your inquiry. Did I solve your problem?

If yes, please click here:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/survey?…

If no, please click here:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/survey?p...

Best regards,

Cameil H

http://www.amazon.com

Now you know which one I chose, don’t you?

That’s good marketing. Oh Cameil is the actual name on the email (Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!). I have no idea if that is the person I spoke to yesterday or not. I was too sleepy.

And yes, I got a good night sleep last night with no annoying 5 a.m. phone calls!

so the ides was so two days ago

but I’d say beware the ides of February today.

And is “beware” much more than “be aware”?

Oh I think we can all agree with that.

Or perhaps not.

[Middle English ben war : ben, to be; see be + war, on one's guard; see ware².]

I’ve written about February being the cruelest month (here and here, with apologies to TS Elliot), about cabin fever that usually explains people’s malaise. But not this year, since it has been exceptionally mild, especially compared to last year. But do people think that way, anyway? Do they feel like they’ve got it coming to them?

I don’t know.

Today was exceptionally bad for all kinds of other people.

I sat with someone who has significant theological questions, about why so many things happen to her and how much can she take. I tried to tell her that the same bad things happen to a lot of people, although honestly, she has had more than her share, but it’s how they react that’s different. And when you are numb to problems for a long time, when you finally start feeling, everything is that much more painful.

And so she feels every single singe, bruise, and bump multiple-times worse than others do.

I can’t tell her that Shabbat will make her feel better.

I did tell her that it might.

And she left, feeling a little bit better, maybe a little bit stronger, and went to another meeting where she was totally bamboozled and felt how many times worse than before, because other people allowed her to be taken advantage of.

And when you don’t have control, what can you do?

You can find someone who will listen to you, so that next time, you will have a better chance of not letting the same thing happen again.

no, i don’t know any babysitters offhand

I think it’s time to compile a list of what we’re asked, during the course of a regular day.

The “we” is the unit of ISHI and myself, the rabbi and the rabbi’s wife.

So here goes:

1. Can you recommend a babysitter?
2. a therapist?
3. a doctor?
4. a housecleaner? (after all, they go into your house and can find out all kinds of things. So whom can you trust?)
5. an exterminator?
6. a lawyer?
7. a mechanic? (that one’s easy)
8. Do you have so-and-so’s phone number?
9. address?
10. email?
11. work number?
12. spouse’s number?
13. What are their children’s names?
14. birthdays?
15. oh don’t get me started again on shidduchim
16. How to work the alarm,
17. lights,
18. plumbing,
19. heating,
20. phones,
21. at the shul,
22. at the mikveh
23. How to get a passport.
24. Where to get a passport.
25. Is the office still open
26. of the passport agency
27. of the post office
28. of the shul
29. Why isn’t the shul still open?
30. Can I drop off what I needed to drop off at the shul at your house and you can take it over when it’s convenient for you?
31. How to get your license renewed
32. How to structure a class
33. How to do homework
34. for elementary school
35. for high school
36. for a PhD
37. for post-post graduate
38. How to get a job
39. get a wife
40. get a husband
41. get a child
42. what to do with a child
43. a husband
44. a wife

Not all, every day, mind you, but yes, all of these have come our way.

And much, much more.

i wasn’t going to write about shlomo carlebach, but

I was going to write about bad grammar. There was a message on the phone machine from someone who should know better, but said”

“Blahblahblahblah  blahblah blah…

for you and I to get together.”

No. You lose all credibility with that one.

So that’s the theme here that I walked into (into which I walked?):

You should know better.

That’s my feeling about Shlomo Carlebach. I was reminded of him just now by the link provided by Jewish Ideas Daily from the Forward. I am wary in general of anything written in the Forward, since it’s going to have an anti-religious outlook, but this article is so blaaaand. It’s as if the person reviewing the musical had no idea of who this guy was. And I think that’s bad reviewing.

So I will review him without seeing the musical.

Which I will not do.

I will explain. Actually, I will refer you to what I wrote back on June 28, 2009 about my distrust of celebrity, charisma, etc., including my distaste for Shlomo Carlebach. I did not state it outright, but I’ll link you to an article from Lillith Magazine  that has been used as an example of Lashon Hara, since it was written after he died and so he couldn’t defend himself against such charges.

The fact is abuse basically by definition means the weak not being able to defend him/herself. So I have no use for this argument. The undisputed fact is that he took advantage of many women, and probably much of it (now this is definitely my opinion, for what it’s worth) could be called abuse.

So how does this figure into his music?

Last Friday evening, at shul, the person leading the services was a Carlebach devoté and he milked all the Carlebach tunes for all they’re worth.

Which, of course, in my book, is not very much.

Most of his tunes are quite simplistic, which most people think means that they’re easy to follow. It happens to be not true. There’s one in particular that people mess up, not able to handle the minor vs. major key that it dips into. But still, yes, I did use some of the tunes when I taught preschool. As I said, simplistic. Fit for that.

I will also link you to a wonderful article about music and prayer by Chief Rabbi Lord Sacks that I just received and I will include but a bit here (and you should definitely read the whole thing, if you haven’t already):

There is an inner connection between music and the spirit. When language aspires to the transcendent and the soul longs to break free of the gravitational pull of the earth, it modulates into song. Music, said Arnold Bennett is “a language which the soul alone understands but which the soul can never translate.” It is, in Richter’s words “the poetry of the air.” Tolstoy called it “the shorthand of emotion.” Goethe said, “Religious worship cannot do without music. It is one of the foremost means to work upon man with an effect of marvel.” Words are the language of the mind. Music is the language of the soul.

So if music is indeed the language of the soul, then it will inform what is in that soul. And I’m saying that just like I won’t listen to Wagner’s music because I know what an anti-Semite he was, (and I don’t like Renoir because I know what kind of anti-Semite he was), I will say that Carlebach’s lack of boundaries comes out in his music and we shouldn’t use it for holy purposes. And so the Forward can review the play, but that’s just what it is.

A play.

And he played with people’s lives, and we shouldn’t make music to sing to G-d without realizing where it’s been first.

We  should know better.

more about brand loyalty

I wrote about this awhile ago here almost two years ago. Or more accurately, I pondered about what inspires brand loyalty. Now I have the answer.

It’s panic.

Yup. I really think that’s it. Some of us are not equipped to be able to switch gears. It’s too hard. Or we’re just lazy, which is the definition of the first, really.

Or we’re terrified. We are not emotionally equipped to deal with so many variations on a daily basis. Overload, too many choices.

What brings this on, you might ask?

Another adventure at the supermarket. I really didn’t have much to get, but I had to go today, since I won’t have the car tomorrow. So I was going through pretty quickly, stopping for my items that I just don’t want to be without. Especially my tea.

I’ve mentioned how much I like my tea. My Celestial Seasonings Decaf Sweet Coconut Thai Chai Tea. I developed an unreasonable attachment to cinnamon years ago when I had a student whose mother was allergic to cinnamon, so we couldn’t have any in the classroom. I went nuts with anything with cinnamon at home–moussaka, cinnamon-laced lentil soup, pumpkin pies, custards, and Chai tea. At least 2 or 3 mugs a day.  So I started to quietly panic when I saw that the store was featuring my tea at 50% off today. That could only mean one thing, I knew.

It meant that it was being discontinued.

And there was only one box left.

ONE BOX LEFT???!!!!

Okay now a bit more panic.

Until that point, I was paying attention to how people were not paying attention at all to what they were buying–they were randomly tossing things into their carriages while

1. talking on the phone
2. texting (really? in the store? why?)
3. sweet-talking to their babies
4. yelling at their kids
5. and just not there, ya know what I mean?

Of course, I was busy looking at everyone else, so I’m not sure I was really paying attention to what I was getting, either.

But then the tea thing happened and I was certainly not paying attention to anything. Or at least I was trying not to, in order just to breathe.

Am I overstating? Well, you be the judge.

I did get the other things that I set out to get, so that was good. But I couldn’t wait to get home in order to look up if they were discontinuing my tea.

MY TEA!

Um, it’s still listed on the website.

Panic averted for now.

In fact, they suggest substituting my tea for one that has been discontinued. I want to say “no, just leave that box for me”, but I can share.

For now.

And does this have anything to do with marriage? Probably, but my heart is still getting back to a normal rhythm, so I’ll have to think about that later.